For the past several weeks my mom and I have been going to the Women's Fall Bible study at The Heights. The study we have been doing is "Discerning the Voice of God" by Priscilla Shirer. In the past couple of weeks I have come to realized through my life how many times that God was trying to speak to me but I just didn't or wouldn't hear.
I go back to when I first realize that I didn't hear God or just wouldn't. I think the deaths of people starting during my junior high years began my destructive cycle that continued through high school and into college. There were deaths of classmates, classmates parents and my own sister, Melinda. We lost Dion, Randy, Robbie and Perry. Then there was my brother-in-law Steve, Shawn's mom, Sue and sister Alicia. Then adult friends of Shawn and I, Casey, Carl and Shane and my step-dad, Jerry. Then ultimately my dad. When I look at this 20yr period of time in my life it was not that I did not believe in God and not that I was necessarily angry with Him but that I just ignored Him.
There were so many times that I know He was talking to me and trying to help direct me but I thought I knew what was best for me. Hanging out with friends, going to parties, just staying busy was my way of dealing with things and helping me drowned out what He was trying to let me know. The ignorance of youth. It is amazing that more of us don't get lost forever. It is only by the grace of God that we make it through. I am so thankful to Him for not losing me forever and now days I listen, I hear and I really try to do what he is directing me to do. I am trying to remain obedient in my walk even though I know I stumble sometime, I know he is there to help me up.
"Obedience will always produce benefits that far outweigh the consequences of disobedience." Priscilla Shirer